The importance of Family Wellness: How grief helped me to prioritise and change career

It’s coming up to 3 years since I last wrote in this blog and, I’ll be honest, it may as well be a lifetime ago. So much has changed for our little family in such a short space of time.  I lost my mum, a loss that coincided with a career change and the welcoming of a live-out nanny to our household.  Whilst the latter two were considered positives - a big step forward for my career and more help at home, yay! The loss of a parent is not something one can prepare for or come to terms with in any space of time, let alone the 6 weeks I had to say goodbye to my mother, prepare for a new job and arrange a new timetable for the family – one which would see me coming and going at all hours with military precision.

After 12 years spent working for the same employer, a move to a different organisation presented me with bigger challenges and responsibilities that I was eager to embrace. However, with the new job came a 24-hour shift pattern; incorporating evenings, weekends and bank holidays – which is where the nanny fitted in. Happily, the little man adored his new carer and the fact that she had a little person his age helped greatly too.

With school drop-offs and tiny tantrums taken care of, I was free to focus on my new job. I had quite a lot of training to get through before I started, so my workload was relatively small for a few months. Whilst this would be a relief to some, my mind was constantly in overdrive thinking about my mum. Having previously dealt with loss quite badly (hello, wine and depression) I was determined to stay on top of things this time around. I began micromanaging my grieving, so when I felt sad I would go out for a run, pedal the streets on my bike or head to the gym. By the time my mum’s first year anniversary came around I had completed a Marathon and a Triathlon with energy to spare.

A year on, from the outside, things were looking great. I was excelling at my new career; the boys were happy and the nanny was a dream. She cared for the boys with such love and dedication that knowing they were in such good hands partially eased my guilt. It was a guilt which was always there, bubbling beneath the surface. It consumed me when I had to miss the eldest’s school plays, or when the youngest would cling on to my legs screaming ‘Where are you going!’ if I stood up to use the bathroom unannounced. My husband was a virtual stranger, our conflicting work schedules meant that most days when I lay my head on the pillow he was just waking up. An evening in together was a rare treat. On top of that, my fitness levels and health had dipped. Post marathon and triathlon, my training had fallen off course – hard to motivate yourself when you clock off after gym closing times - my skin was reacting badly to the unsociable hours (hello spots) and I had to order the next size up in trousers thanks to round the clock lattes and on the go lunches.

 Crunch time came a further 6 months later, it was mid-summer holidays and we were all preparing for transitions. The eldest would be starting senior school that September, the youngest nursery, the husband had a new job (with an even longer commute) and I had a place at university, funded by my employer. There was a catch of course, I would have to work my full hours alongside my studies and lectures. Whilst it was manageable, just about, the loss of my mother had put so many things into perspective for me, like the importance of family. I was lucky enough to have grown up with a stay at home carer, a mum who was there when I woke up, one who took me to school and was there to kiss me goodnight. Whereas, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d read mine a story.

 The issue, for me, was priorities. Before my mum passed, having a successful career was just as important as having a happy family life but that seemed to have changed. At work I was replaceable, at home not so much. I could feel that this was a time when my boys needed me more than ever - the eldest to help navigate the scary new world of high school and the youngest for some stability and consistency – and I needed them. I also needed to find a family friendly career which didn’t leave me riddled with guilt.

I’d fantasised about being my own boss for some time and had bought a rusty old horse trailer a while back, with the hope of turning it into a juice and smoothie bar to take to festivals around the UK. Fortunately, my husband is not only incredibly supportive, but also a dab hand at DIY. He built me my dream bar (The Little Green Juice Box) and I was able to leave my stressful job behind to pursue two of my lifelong ambitions, being my own boss and going to University. My new journey is still in its infancy, and I’d be lying if I said it was easy but being able to tuck my boys in at night (and even take them to work with me) sure makes it all worth it.

For more on our Juice bar Story click here